Growing your Confidence

Confidence is the profound belief you have in yourself. It is knowing you will be able to tackle any challenge that comes your way. It is trusting in your instincts, judgment and skills. No matter what.

Leaping off a mountain isn't for everyone. It takes a lot of confidence in your own abilities to trust that you will be able to land safely at the end of your journey. It takes practice to build and refine those skills to be able to take that leap. Confidence is like that.

“You need to practice courage, inside and out.”

You need to feel confident, powerful and authentic on the inside but you must also project that confidence so that others see it as well.

Confidence on the Inside

Confidence on the inside means being able to trust in your own value, judgment and instincts. It means becoming self-aware and believing in yourself. This is the most important part of the journey. Confidence can only flourish when you have this deep trust in yourself and your value. It is learning to feel that you are enough, always, in every circumstance.

This journey starts with being compassionate towards yourself. You should celebrate who you are right now. Don't put it off until you deem yourself worthy because you got the promotion you were looking for or you succeeded in losing those 10 pounds. You are enough right now, just as you are. Take a deep breath and acknowledge the good and unique things you bring to the world.

How do you build trust in yourself? First of all, take responsibility for your choices. Know that you are in control of how you feel and what you do. The set of beliefs that you live by have been shaped by your upbringing, experiences, and other factors. You may be tempted to blame other people or situations for your limitations. Now is the time to put those things behind you and to more forward and accept that YOU are the only one who can change you. Eleanor Roosevelt famously said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Refuse to let what others think shape how you feel about yourself. There are plenty of people who will try to make you feel insignificant or small. Do not be a partner in their endeavors.

You are in charge of how you feel. It is not easy, but with practice you can become good at choosing your emotional reactions to situations. Your brain likes to operate on auto-pilot. When something triggers your feelings of anger or inadequacy, it wants to respond in the way you usually respond, which may be to withdraw, strike out or react in some other undesirable behavior. You can learn to observe yourself and to choose a new thought or response when you encounter a situation that triggers you. Mindfulness and meditation are great tools to help you get better at this.

In addition to becoming more self-aware and choosing positive ways to react to triggers, there are many other ways to improve inner confidence. Developing a growth mindset helps you view life as a journey, where the process of learning and growing is more important than the destination. Success means growing and failures become opportunities for learning, not judging or berating yourself.

Developing empathy and compassion for others, but just as importantly, for yourself is key to confidence. Release expectations of perfection and remember that you are a work in progress. We all are.

Defining your own definition of success, uncovering your true values and beliefs, practicing courage, becoming your true authentic self.... all of these can lead to greater understanding of yourself and who you are. That is where real confidence starts.

Confidence on the Outside

True confidence is internal, but how do you project confidence so that other people can see it? First of all, think about the context in which you operate. For example, ideas of leadership and success vary a lot. Some people will define success as achieving a certain title while others may value work satisfaction and impact as most important. Be aware of the culture and norms in your workplace and explore how you define success and good leadership for yourself.

Think about how you can present yourself as a strong, confident person. Here are some things to think about:

Communication and body language

People, especially women, can project indecision or lack of confidence in the way they communicate. When speaking, use a strong, calm voice. Consider whether your voice helps or hurts you - do you let your sentences trail off at the end? Do you end your statements with "question inflection", which can indicate that you are not quite sure about what you are saying?

What does your body language communicate? Do not undermine your words with apologies, shrugs or ingratiating smiles. Do not try to make yourself small in meetings - take a central seat at the table, do not hide in the back. Stand up straight and maintain eye contact. Take up space in your chair - spread your things around, lean back and open your arms wide. Speak up and share your opinion. Demonstrate that you belong exactly where you are.

Be concise. Do not overshare or provide exhaustive detail. Be prepared to answer questions, but providing too much explanation for your ideas or proposals may project indecision or a lack of confidence in your opinion.

Build awareness of your accomplishments.

People are often reluctant to share their accomplishments for fear of appearing arrogant or braggy. This can undermine your desire to appear accomplished and powerful. There are ways to share your achievements that highlight your skills, expertise and drive in a positive way.

Consider the people around you. Do they know what you do? Do they fully understand the value you bring to an organization? You may be a great inter-departmental connector, but your boss or peers might not see this. By sharing your knowledge and connections, by letting people know the full extent of the positive impact you bring to the organization, you will be perceived as a more valuable contributor without changing a single thing that you do! Share the things you are doing with your boss and peers so they see your real value. Some people write Friday "accomplishment summaries" for their boss. Others prefer regular in-person updates. Speaking up at meetings and emphasizing the good things you are doing can build awareness within your teams. Make the invisible easily visible for the people you interact with.

You can boost your confidence inside and project a more confident presence on the outside. Confidence is like any skill - the more you practice, the better you get.